The Ultimate “And”

Travis and Tracy and …

So far I’ve cried every time I’ve seen our little kiddo on the ultrasound. It just doesn’t get old—seeing that yes, there really is a little life in there, with a heartbeat and fingers and toes and a giant head and KICKS!

We’ve been waiting to see those things since four years ago, when we first started trying to have a baby. In those four years there has been heartbreak, weeping, frustration, confusion, grief, jealousy, contentment, resignation, tentative hope, and so many other emotions. A lot of prayer and forcing ourselves to just trust in God’s timing and plans for our family, even if it didn’t make sense to us.

I was completely exhausted and often nauseous during the first trimester, but now, at 15 weeks, I have a lot more energy (though the nausea has decided we still need to be friends, unfortunately). And with that energy the last few days my mind has been racing and longing to start DOING something—choose a crib, research baby sleep habits, make a mobile—anything other than just waiting around wondering what’s next. I whipped up a flurry of activity on Pinterest looking at nursery ideas. I realized that all this preparation has just been building inside me this whole time, even if I was trying my best to keep it dormant and out of my mind. But you can’t help it. It’s always there, lurking. And now all those plans and hopes and ideas finally get to see the light of day.

Despite our past struggles, from the moment I saw the plus sign on the pregnancy test, both Travis and I have felt surprisingly calm. A little anxiety here and there, but nothing overwhelming. Just peaceful. We don’t know where we’ll be living yet—Travis finishes graduate school next month and is really just now able to get things moving on the job search. I wish that was settled, and if I let myself dwell on it, I start to worry. But I know we’ll be ok wherever we land. We’ll find a house and a doctor. I have to keep telling myself that we’re by no means the first people to go through any of this. I don’t need to know more than that.

And anyway, there really is a little life in there, and right now the knowledge of that heartbeat and those fingers and toes and KICKS—that’s plenty for me.

Biking Saguaro National Park

I’ve only just begun this blog, and already I’m behind. Le sigh.

Well a few weekends ago we headed out to Saguaro National Park East to bike their scenic loop. It’s been on our to-do list for a loooong time, so I’m glad we finally got around to doing it. Our friends Ashley, Andrew and Sarah joined us, and it was a gorgeous day and fun ride. Although a couple of the hills were pretty killer for this novice. But it meant brunch afterwards at 47 Scott was much deserved.

Our biker gang

 

This woman is a for real triathlete.

Boys

Girls. Note to double-jointed-elbow self: don't sit like that.

Aaaah.

No fair - Sarah showered and changed into something cute for brunch.

Love the 47 Scott patio.

Pizza for Breakfast

One slice left. It had to be done.

I’m a little ashamed of all those grease spots on the box, but hey, it’s reality.

On tap for this weekend:

• Working on a presentation for a work conference. F-A-N-C-Y!
• Riding our bikes at Saguaro East National Park
• A bit of thrift storing
• Some sort of art project
• A friend’s birthday party that includes a Jurassic Park viewing. You know, like you do at every birthday party.

Currently … Me

Being silly, practicing self-portraits

Currently I’m

Obsessing over…

The weird smell outside our house. At first Travis thought it was my nail polish remover. I thought it was my new dry shampoo. But it’s so much bigger. I think one of our neighbors is power washing their house with … a giant bottle of spray adhesive? I don’t know. It’s awful. Like, I’m tempted to call “the authorities” and report suspicious chemical behavior awful.

Working on…

Magazine headlines. The bane of my existence. It’s so hard to come up with clever, hey-come-read-this headlines after all that time thinking and writing and editing a story.

Thinking about…

Our future. What’s ahead for us after Travis graduates? What, what, what?

Anticipating…

The end of Downton Abbey, season 2. So. Much. Drama. What’s it like to watch Downton Abbey? This:

(Thanks to my friend Katelin for sharing that with me)

Listening to…

The new Feist and Swedish folk girls First Aid Kit.

Eating…

Pork carnitas from Trader Joe’s.

Wishing…

I was one of those people who find joy in working out. I feel good about myself after doing it, but I would pretty much rather do anything else.

P.S. – This post was inspired by The Paper Mama’s blog and her Self-Photo Challenge.

Winter-Spring

Living in Tucson, we don’t really have winter like the rest of the country (part of why I love it here). It’s really more like winter-spring. Crisp and sunny during the day, cold and dry at night. Cool enough for scarves and tights, but I’ve only had to wear my real coat maybe twice this year. It’s kind of glorious.

Anywho, I wanted to make a wreath in honor of winter-spring, and came up with this little number

Isn’t this little guy ADORABLE?

It’s just a straw wreath from from Michael’s (with the wrapper still on), wrapped and wrapped and wrapped in yarn. Google “felt flower tutorial” for the little buds. It’s weirdly relaxing to spend an hour wrapping yarn around a wreath.

I also made a winter to-do list. I made a vacation to-do list awhile ago that included things like reading a magazine in the park and practicing curling my hair, and decided it was a fantastic idea that I should keep doing going forward. It’s basically a to-do list that gives you an excuse to do fun stuff and makes you feel super accomplished for doing things you know you’re going to do anyway.

And

So apparently I’ve started another blog. I decided I wanted to keep tracymueller.com as my professional website where I write about fancy professional things and give myself a little more room to blog from my personal life here.

So why Ampersand?

Because:

• I love writing and typographical elements
• I’ve found myself getting interested in more and more topics, and I like what “&” represents: adding more, continuing the story, not limiting yourself.
• It sort of just came to me and I liked it

We’ll see if it sticks. I reserve the right to change things up.